


Lost Souls

by WolfKind



Series: Jeg elsker deg. Elsker du meg? [2]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Asphyxiation, Body Swap, Bottom Thor (Marvel), Kinktober, M/M, Murder-Suicide, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Hatred, Temporary Character Death, Top Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-30 00:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKind/pseuds/WolfKind
Summary: Maybe that was good. Maybe that was how he was supposed to go. With Thor's hands around his neck. With his vision becoming more blurry than the second before, he felt something akin to euphoria wash through him for the first time in his life.Yeah, maybe that was how he could end this.





	Lost Souls

 "LOKI!"

 

The guards regarding him with quizzical looks had the desired effect of shushing him down. Didn't manage to slow down his steps though.

 

He was furious! He could take a lot coming from his brother, but that? No, somewhere along the line _he_ was supposed to let Loki know that enough was enough. He would not tolerate his jests anymore!

 

He was stridding in the corridors, practically fuming. He had already searched his quarters, but he wasn't there. He wasn't at the big hall, or in the library. He turned a sharp left corner and headed for the stables. At least, nobody tried to stop him or even ask him what was going on. Thank the Norns, because he would not know what to say to them.

 

When he reached the deserted stables, he stopped abruptly. His breath was hitching and his body trembling with unspent energy; and anger. Oh, so much anger.

  
As he regarded his blue eyes assessing him, mirth and mischief in them, he felt his skin crawling with a strange feeling. Before he even knew it, a blast of green seidr was shot from him to his smirking brother, catching him off guard and hitting his right shoulder. It apparently didn't do him any harm, as he just started laughing.

 

“Hm... So that's how my seidr feels like?”, Loki mused, his now electric blue eyes glinting with devilment that was never there before. “I should notch it up a bit; that was quite weak, brother.”, he said and crossed his, _his,_ as in _Thor's_ hands, on _Thor's_ chest.

  
“What is this trickery, Loki?”, Thor asked outrageous. “Undo it this moment!”

  
Loki regarded his own form from the eyes of his brother's. So... That's how he looked when he was furious, huh? It looked good on him, if he might say so himself. Eyes blazing like scroching fire, his body tensed and ready to strike with the highest amount of seidr he could master... Good, good. His eyes, though. They weren't his. Maybe they were furious and all, but that underlined kindness... No. That was all Thor. He never had that in him; he had made sure to find it inside him and kill it off meticiously, with calculated steps. As he was going to do now.

 

 _At least, this is going to be interesting_ , he thought to himself as he felt that humming of power coming from within his very core.

  
~*~

 

Thor was thrushing beneath him. Having his brother's powers at his command, he had managed to overthrow him, not as easily as he had imagined, but it was going to be worth it.

 

“Why are you doing this, brother? Do you really think so little of us?”, Thor asked his gaze wild and haunted, not believing what their current predicament was. Not wanting to understand where this would take them the next day.

  
Loki tried to laugh it off, but he couldn't. His smirk missing its usual mirth or even edge. To be honest, it was just filled with sadness, his whole being oozing with unrelenting chargin and grief.

  
As Loki was holding Thor down, having thrown himself to Thor, his forearm threatening to choke him, Thor lifted his hand up and caressed his brother's cheek lovingly.

 

“We can fix this. We can go back and it will be as if nothing of this ever happened.”, Thor tried with steady voice. He could feel his new body, _Loki's body_ , pulsating with so many conflicting emotions and such power that he had never even considered his brother capable of before this day. He felt his eyes welling up, and he couldn't understand; was this him or was it Loki? Who was more broken at that instant? Was Loki grieving so much, that it had become an integral part of his being? An organic thing? His body weeping on its own, when his soul was breaking some more?

  
The sight of Loki regarding him with unbelieving eyes that moment, was to be forever engraved in Thor's memory; a sight that was to be haunting him each and every day of his long life.

  
“We never could.”, said Loki, almost losing his momentum. But, no. He had to finish this. It was the only way. “I am not broken to be glued back together and I am not wounded to be healed.”, he said and Thor watched him wordlessly, though what he was feeling always painted itself across his face. Loki closed his eyes tightly, blocking out Thor's sight who was regarding him like he was the center of his world and like he was screaming at him _yes, you are broken and yes, you are wounded but we still can help you. I can help you_. 

  
Taking a deep breath, trying to anchor himself with Thor's grounding smell he felt his impetous coming back.

 

"And if I am, I am way past the threshold of repair.", he said, his words mumbled against Thor's skin.

 

He had to finish this; once and for all.

  
“It would be easier if you hated me.”, Loki stated his gaze running all over Thor. They may have had their bodies swapped, but eventually the essence of them was more than their bodies. When he was looking at Thor now, he may be looking at a body that resembled a lot his own, but he was ultimately seeing his brother. His kindness and honour flooding that battered and hated body of his.

  
“I had tried”, Thor said, his green eyes honest like Loki's never were before. “but I never could hate you.”, his thump rubbing soothing circles on the other's cheek, his palm engulfing the whole side of his face, making Loki feel like, at that moment, Thor was holding his entire being in the palm of his hand; his to care and protect.

  
“Then, I am sorry, brother.”, Loki said and his, Thor's, hand lowered on his brother, tearing his breaches open and pulling them down and off his body.

  
“What are you-?”, Thor asked, his mind not grasping what was happenning.

  
“I'm sorry.”, Loki said again and manhandling Thor, he had him on his knees, his head and shoulders pressed to the ground. “I truly am,”, he continued and despite their current positions and what was about to happen, Thor could hear the truth in Loki's words. And he sure as Hel, didn't like the way his voice hitched at the end. “but this is the only way.”

  
Loki shoved a spit slicked finger inside of him and he slowly started pumping in him, only for a second one to follow soon after.

  
“We don't have enough time,”, Loki said, his breath coming in short puffs as he worked his brother open. “It will be over soon enough. Please, bear it for me. It is the last thing I will ask of you.”, he said and that deep feeling of wrongness that was edging in on Thor, started to gnaw at him like it was going to rip the flesh from his bones.

 

Loki soon enough had three fingers inside him and Thor was feeling the stinging pain slowly going away.

  
Thor felt a light touch on the low of his back, like a nervous caress; a touch telling more to him than what Loki was ever capable to say to him with his words.

  
He felt a tear rolling down his face and he closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, steeling his will, he said to Loki, almost pleading him “Turn me around. I want to see your face.”

  
A mirthless laugh left Loki's lips. “Isn't that your own face though, brother? What new are you going to see, that you haven't already seen in the mirror?”, he said.

  
“I have never seen me through _your_ eyes before.”, Thor said and he felt the fingers stilling in him and Loki taking a shuddering inhale. The next moment, Loki had curved on top of him and his head was resting on his back. Feeling wetness on his brother's face, he felt his momentum growing even more. “Let me turn around, Loki. Let me see you.”

  
Loki withdrew himself from Thor and he turned him on his back. He sat cross-legged, his back straight, facing Loki who had lowered his head and couldn't meet him in the eye.

  
Thor reached out his hand and cupped Loki's neck, in that move that only Thor was ever allowed to bestow upon him. With a gentle thump, he urged for Loki to hoist his head up. They stood, regarding each other, for a moment; Loki with shame emitting out of him and Thor with his undying hope; for every thing that was not dead and gone, never was truly lost.

  
“It doesn't have to be like this.”, Thor tried again, as he had seen a crack of an opening in Loki's ever-present armor. “There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.”, he said and he brought their foreheads together, breathing in each other, the most grounding smell they ever had in their, already, too long lives.

  
Loki's stance hardened and shooting his hands out, he grabbed Thor's wrists, wrestling him to the ground. He managed to hold a thrushing Thor down with one hand and he brought his other to his own breaches, opening them up and taking himself to his palm, quickly bringing his half-hardened cock to full stiffness.

  
“I am afraid that it _has_ to be like this. There is no reality in which you would agree to do this for me. Or to me.”, he lined his cock with Thor's entrance. “This is going to hurt.”

  
Thor took a sharp breath and gritted his teeth. Closing his eyes tightly he felt the stinging pain shooting through his body and reaching his throbbing head.

  
Loki said nothing more and, without daring to spare another look on Thor, fearing for what he would see painted on his brother's face, he started to thrust almost violently inside him.

  
Thor's grunts of pain slowly quieted down, and on the first jab against his prostate a low groan of pleasure left his lips, rendering Loki immobile. He shot his face up and he took in Thor's dishelved state in. He was laying there, his eyes half-lidded, burning with desire, his face flushed.

  
Slowly Thor opened his eyes and he looked straight at Loki, his stare unnerving him. Loki was so stunned that when Thor tugged on his hand, Loki left him from his strong hold.

  
With his hands free, he brought them slowly up and he enveloped in their grasp Loki's face, bringing him down, his face close to his, his gaze devouring him.

  
“If this is what you wanted, then all you had to do was ask.”, he said, his lips almost kissing Loki's, his every breath a warm breeze on his face, making sure his words would cut through whatever had taken over Loki that day.

  
Loki's haunted eyes where searching, forever searching on Thor's face, trying to call it all a trick. The cruelest of tricks ever played on him. But he could find nothing; nothing more than unabashed love and worry and honesty. He dropped his head on his brother's shoulder and closed his eyes, taking in his scent, grounding himself like Thor only ever could. It may be he had managed to switch their bodies for that day, but it seemed that Thor's scent was forever his, seemingly following his soul to whichever place it chose to go, bringing with it that beloved smell of nigh thunderstorms and mountain mist.

  
They stayed like that for a few moments, small almost nonexistent rolls of their hips bringing them closer, still; embracing each other closely, like trying to merge their bodies as well as their spirits together.

  
Despite their current positions, Thor left an innocent peck against Loki's cheek and Loki slowly lifted his head up.

  
Thor was left watching incredulous at Loki. So much pain and love in his gaze. So much hate. Hate directed to himself and not his brother; Thor was sure about that. And at the same time he was at a loss, for he truly knew not how to help his brother. 

 

Loki lowered his head and stole Thor's lips in a kiss. A kiss so sweat and loving, it almost pained Thor to receive. A kiss that ended too quickly for Thor's liking. He had wished for that. He had wished for Loki to feel even a small portion of what he had felt for him for all those centuries, since they were young adults. But he had never thought that this would, at the same time, drive him so far off his reach.

  
Loki started thrusting in Thor again; slower this time, trying to give pleasure and not punishment, for whatever reason he had seen it fit before. The reasoning behind Loki's actions often escaped Thor, but he always had tried his hardest to put himself to Loki's position, to see what Loki's been through; just to try to come closer to him still.

  
Loki's low mumbled _i'm sorry_ 's had brought a stillness to their world; seemingly the only two people left being the both of them, all and everything else forgotten. In their warm cocoon of a world, they and their immense need for the other, being the only things that mattered anymore. Laws and morals abandoned somewhere outside the stables. No one could touch them there. No one could blame them or hurt them. No one but the other. They were each other's greatest weakness, as Loki saw it.

  
Their grunts and moans, low sounds of forbidden pleasure, were engulfing them.

  
Thor shot up and engulfing Loki's head, he crushed their lips together. He kissed him like he had never kissed anyone before, depositing his heart and soul in every pull and lick and nip on his lips.

  
Loki's hands, _his hands_ , were holding him firmly by the waist. Bringing him in a seated position, they were hugging each other so closely that the sense of who ended where had ceased to exist. At that moment, they were one.

  
They were grinding against each other, their coupling losing the initial tension and installing a sense of completion; a sense of belonging and befall.

  
Loki, moving a few stray strands of hair behind Thor's face, spent a few seconds just taking in his beauty; that beauty that was purely _Thor_ and not the skin he was wearing at the time. Thor's ferocity and kindness and _acceptance._ Acceptance for whatever Loki was, no matter how hated or diverged. Thor would always love Loki with all his heart. And that was a fact everyone knew.

 

“I'm rotten”, Loki said and stopped Thor's indignant cry over the insolance of those words with a sharp gaze. “I'm rotten but you would never accept that, right?”, he continued. Seeing Thor nodding in agreement, his eyes blazing. “No, you never saw that side of me. Instead, you would try to convince me that I was more.”, a soft, tortured smile creeping up on his lips, his gaze filled with love as he regarded him, haunted with demons he alone had to face for all his life; eventually, starting to lose the never ending fight. “You will have to accept it now, though.”, he said, his hand shooting up and closing his brother's mouth, trying to just make him keep his words to himself, trying to not be swayed by him for yet another time. “I am nothing.”

  
Seeing Thor's wild eyes moving rapidly, trying to convey to him what a lie that was, Loki continued. “And I deserve nothing. Certainly not you.”

  
Thor's eyes were welling up. He had a very bad feeling about this. They continued to rock against each other, their bodies moving on their own accord, when they both knew that what was more important was what was being shared and said between them and not their carnal desires. For Thor knew. He knew that Loki's words were carrying a sense of finality in them. A dreadful sense of inevitability and demise. Loki hardened his gaze, but Thor could always read behind his lies.

  
Loki brought his hands on Thor's hips, and he started bringing him up and down, at his own leisure. Thor's powerful body coming in handy, just like he had planned.

  
When Thor brought his forehead against his, and he dove in to steal a kiss, Loki rumbled and brought them on the ground again.

  
He started fucking into Thor with all his might; all of his love and adoration forever entwined with perdition and calamity, showing in his every shift.

  
As they were closing in, almost reaching their peaks, Loki, slowly, with tender figers that were not betraying his intentions, he caressed every inch of Thor's body. Twitching his nipples, bruising on his waist, dipping on his hips, pumping his cock, caressing his legs and later his shoulders; he eventually got to his neck.

  
He left a small kiss on the side of his neckline, and then, hungry like never before, went for Thor's lips again.

 

Thor's body tensed beneath him. His eyes shot open, his mouth gaping against his.

  
Loki closed his eyes and dipped his head in the crook of Thor's neck.

  
“Don't worry.”, he said, his voice cracked. “Once, _**I**_ am gone, everything will go back to normal.”, he said as his hands around his neck started tightening, closing his airway. Thor was thrushing against him, trying and failing to push him over him, to take a fucking _breath._

  
”You will return to your own body. Nobody will remember that Asgard had another Prince that was not you.”, Loki said as his grip was growing more and more sturdy. He wished he could smile as he was watching the life leave his own body, but he couldn't, for he knew, at that moment, it was him strangling Thor and not the other way around. “They will never ask for that body found in the stables. Don't worry.”, he said again and a lone tear left his eye. “You will be back to your body, unscathed. And I will finally be rid of _this._ This wretched body and this wretched life.”

  
Thor was still fighting with all his might. Hearing his brother's words left him immobile for a while, leaving Loki free to tighten his grip even more, even if he chose to loosen it just a bit.

  
“Forgive me, if you would; but you were never going to do this for me, brother.”, he said and his grip regained it's ferocity, making Thor to desperately try to free himself from Loki's hold just to take a damn breath. “You were never going to kill me, were you, Thor?”, Loki finished, the last words he was to hear coming from that smart mouth.

 

As his vision darkened, Thor saw Loki mouthing the words _I love you_ and crying for the first and last time in their lives.

  
~*~

When Thor opened up his eyes again, he shot up from where he was and he took in several breaths, just because he could.

  
He took in his surroundings and saw he was still in the stables. Judging by the light outside, or better the lack thereof, he was sure it wasn't so long ago that Loki was trying to strangle him.

 

Looking around like crazy, he realized he was back in his own body, as Loki had said. He was in his body, that was still burried deep in his brother's and Loki was just laying there; not breathing. Pale.

 

With trembling hands, he tried to find a pulse. He tried to get him to breathe again but he couldn't.

  
An animalistic cry left his lips and everything was alight with lightning; the greatest lightning he had ever summoned.

 

And everything shook and crumbled.

 

And everythig was struck as he finally understood and his heart was shattered to pieces. 

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, Loki is just getting the biggest electro-stimulation ever given to someone who's heart has forgotten to beat for a few moments. 
> 
> This was supposed to be a meaningless PWP... I have no idea how this happened...


End file.
